Dad jokes are like old sneakers worn out but somehow still the go-to. They’re quick, silly, and often so bad they circle right back to being funny. Whether you’re trying to break the ice, win a silent battle at the dinner table, or just drop a groaner that gets groans and giggles, these jokes are here for it.
This list has something for everyone awkward moments, dating fails, clever wordplay, and laugh-out-loud punchlines. From jokes your uncle told too many times to the ones that blew up in group chats in 2023, we’ve packed in jokes for all kinds of funny bones. So grab a snack, call your favorite pun-lover, and get ready to roll your eyes with a smile.
Cringe-Worthy Awkward Dad Jokes That Still Got a Laugh
Ever feel secondhand embarrassment? These awkward dad jokes are the perfect mix of “please stop” and “okay, that was kinda funny.” Great for icebreakers or silent car rides!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
I used to play piano by ear.
Now I use my hands like everyone else.
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine.
My dog used to chase people on a bike.
It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.
He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.”
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
I have a joke about construction.
But I’m still working on it.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he woke up.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
But I turned myself around.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
Why did the math book look sad?
It had too many problems.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Dating Dad Jokes That Will Make You Swipe Right on Humor
Love is awkward. Dating is weirder. But dad jokes? They’re the third wheel you didn’t know you needed. Here are jokes to charm, cringe, and chuckle at Tinder not required!
Are you French?
Because Eiffel for you.
I told my date I had a crush on her.
She said, “Is it serious or carbonated?”
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
I asked my date if she likes Star Wars.
She said, “Yoda one for me.”
How did the date go with the baker?
She was sweet but left me crumby.
Why did the cell phone break up with the charger?
Too much tension in the connection.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dating app?
Boo-nder.
My last date was with a photographer.
We didn’t click.
Why did the computer break up with the printer?
There was no paper trail.
I brought a map on my date.
Because I kept getting lost in her eyes.
Why did I bring string to the date?
In case we got tied up.
I told my crush I’d take her to the moon.
She asked if I had the gas money.
I once dated a girl who was into time travel.
We broke up before we even met.
What happened to the couple who met at the gym?
It didn’t work out.
Why did the salad go on a date with the crouton?
It was a little crunchy, but had good taste.
I tried dating a magician.
She disappeared after the second date.
I brought a ruler on my date.
Wanted to measure up.
Why was the calendar nervous about the date?
Too many commitments already.
I texted my date a picture of a chair.
She said, “What’s this?” I said, “Just trying to seat you.”
Dating’s hard when you’re a baker.
Everyone thinks you’re too flakey.
I asked her, “Are you an interior designer?”
Because you just rearranged my heart.
I dated a librarian once.
She had too many issues.
Why don’t chemistry majors make good daters?
Too reactive.
What do you call a romantic tractor?
A transplanter.
I broke up with my GPS.
It kept giving me mixed signals.
My last date was with a musician.
She always played the same tune.
Dating a pastry chef was sweet.
But she was too into flaky layers.
I asked my date what her favorite number was.
She said, “2, but not with you.”
Gay Dad Jokes That Slay in the Funniest Way
These jokes bring the sass, the smile, and the sparkle. Whether you’re queer, an ally, or just in it for the fun, these dad jokes walk the runway and drop the mic.
I told my boyfriend I was feeling electric.
He said, “You’re my current crush.”
Why did the rainbow cross the road?
To get to the pride parade.
I came out of the closet.
Turns out it was just Narnia.
I dated a guy who made candles.
He ghosted me… with ambiance.
I told my friend I like boys and girls.
She said, “Double the awkward first dates?”
Why did the gay ghost break up with his boyfriend?
He needed space like, literal haunting distance.
What did one gay dad say to the other at school pickup?
“We slayed show-and-tell again, huh?”
Tried dating a mime.
It was all about silent treatment.
Why don’t gay penguins argue?
Because they know how to flipper the script.
Told my crush he’s my cup of tea.
He said, “But I’m a coffee person.”
What do you call a fabulous dinosaur?
A glitter-raptor.
My boyfriend and I tried couples yoga.
We broke up halfway through Warrior II.
I asked my date, “Are you a bottom?”
He said, “Bottom of the ice cream tub, yes.”
I told my partner I love Broadway.
He said, “Same, but only if it has tap numbers.”
Why don’t gay robots date straight ones?
Different wiring.
I tried gay speed dating once.
It was just RuPaul quotes and glitter.
Why did my date bring a mirror?
To reflect on our connection.
What’s a gay dad’s favorite drink?
Fruit punch with extra sass.
I dated someone who only spoke in memes.
It was… a vibe.
Why was the pride parade late?
Because fabulous takes time.
What did the bisexual vampire say?
“I bat both ways.”
He asked if I liked musicals.
I said, “Yes, as a personality trait.”
Why don’t drag queens do math?
They already slay with figures.
I told my date I was pan.
He said, “Same, but I burn toast too.”
My gaydar’s broken.
It thinks every barista is flirting.
What do you call a gay dad joke?
Extra with a side of awkward.
LOL-Worthy Best Dad Jokes of 2023 You’ll Actually Repeat
These jokes ruled 2023 and probably your family group chat. They’re groaners, sure but you’ll steal them anyway. Brace yourself for some serious eye-rolls.
Why don’t eggs tell secrets?
Because they might crack up.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long.
I told my kids I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To talk to the other side.
I asked my kid to hand me the newspaper.
He said, “Just use your phone, Dad.” The fly didn’t stand a chance.
Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
I’m not going to spread it.
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York City.
Why did the frog call his insurance company?
He had a jump in his car.
Why was the stadium so cool?
It was filled with fans.
I was going to tell a time-travel joke.
But you didn’t like it.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
I told my kid to stop acting like a flamingo.
So he had to put his foot down.
Why did the math teacher bring a ladder?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
Why don’t bananas snitch?
They don’t want to slip up.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
Hilarious Dad Jokes One-Liner: Short, Silly, and So Bad They’re Good
Quick, cheesy, and painfully perfect these one-liners pack a punch without wasting time. Great for texts, awkward silences, or when your kid won’t laugh at anything else.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- I used to hate facial hair. Then it grew on me.
- I told my suitcase we’re not going on vacation. Now it’s emotional baggage.
- I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
- I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- I once had a job as a baker. I couldn’t make enough dough.
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- My ceiling isn’t just my roof. It’s my upper limit.
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- I used to be a banker. I lost interest.
- I’m not a fan of spring cleaning. Let’s be honest, I’m not into any cleaning.
- I bought a belt made of watches. It was a waist of time.
- I ate a clock once. It was very time-consuming.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- I wrote a song about tortillas. Well, it’s more of a wrap.
- I tried to take a selfie with my coffee. It was a latte to handle.
- I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
- I told my dog to fetch me a joke. He brought this one.
- I wanted to be a scarecrow. It’s in my field of interest.
- I stayed up all night to figure out where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- I bought a pair of camouflage pants. But I can’t find them.
- My plants keep telling dad jokes. They must have deep roots.
- I once dated a girl who was a baker. She was a real flake.
- I opened a bakery. I kneaded the dough.
- I tried writing with a broken pencil. It was pointless.
- I got locked out of my house. My dog said, “Paw-sitively not.”
- I told a joke about a roof. Never mind it’s over your head.
- I’d tell you a joke about paper. But it’s tearable.
Clever Dad Jokes 2023 Edition That Hit Harder Than a Dad High-Five
These clever dad jokes from 2023 are smooth, snappy, and just the right amount of ridiculous. Perfect for flexing your wit without losing your dad street cred.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
I told my friend he drew his eyebrows too high.
He looked surprised.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang.
Then it came back to me.
Want to hear a roof joke?
Never mind it’s over your head.
I broke my arm in two places.
So I stopped going to those places.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke.
But I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
I used to be afraid of hurdles.
But I got over it.
I told my plants I love them.
Now they’ve started growing on me.
How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.
I started a band called 999MB.
We haven’t got a gig yet.
I got my wife a fridge for her birthday.
You should’ve seen her face light up when she opened it.
Why did the man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
But only if I’m spinning in the right direction.
I told my dog to fetch a stick.
He brought back my ex’s emotional baggage.
I got a new job at the bakery.
I kneaded the dough.
How do cows stay up to date?
They read the moos-paper.
Why don’t calendars ever panic?
Because they’re always on schedule.
My vacuum broke.
It’s just collecting dust now.
What do you call a fish who practices medicine?
A sturgeon.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
I told my friend I’m a big fan of ceiling fans.
He said, “That’s over the top.”
Why did the keyboard get promoted?
Because it was very well-typed.
I put my grandma on speed dial.
Now I call that Instagram.
What’s the loudest pet you can get?
A trumpet.
I started a business fixing elevators.
It has its ups and downs.
Classic Dad Jokes That Never Get Old (Just Like Dad)
These timeless dad jokes are like your favorite worn-out sneakers comfy, reliable, and full of bad decisions. The punchlines still hit, even if you’ve heard them a dozen times.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing. It just waved.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
They’re afraid of the mouse.
I asked my dad if he got a haircut.
He said, “No, I got them all cut.”
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
He made a mint.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forest1.
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it go.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker?
He was outstanding in his field.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Why did Dad take a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me.
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Why don’t ghosts lie?
Because you can see right through them.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers.
Why was the broom late?
It swept in.
Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants.
So-Bad-They’re-Great Dad Jokes That Broke the Internet in 2023
These were the jokes people shared, groaned at, then laughed at anyway. They broke comment sections, text threads, and maybe a few friendships but hey, that’s the power of a proper dad joke.
Why did I bring a ladder to school?
Because I was going to high school.
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
I told my wife she was average.
She said that was mean.
Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot.
I burned 1,200 calories today.
I forgot the pizza in the oven.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little hoarse.
Why do fish never do well in school?
Because they’re always swimming below C-level.
I just found out I’m color blind.
The diagnosis came out of the purple.
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
Now I’m just floating in debt.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?
The living room.
I asked my wife if I’m the only one she’s ever loved.
She said, “Yes, the others were all sevens and eights.”
I wanted to tell a pizza joke.
But it’s a little too cheesy.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
I told my boss three companies were after me.
So he gave me a raise turns out I was lying.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
Because he had no body to hang with.
What do clouds wear under their clothes?
Thunderwear.
Why did the peanut get a restraining order?
It was acting nuts.
I wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Don’t buy it.
My dog ate my homework.
But it was a rough draft.
Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
I told my kids I don’t want a beard.
They said, “We didn’t ask, whisker man.”
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
I told a joke about paper.
It was tearable.
Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice.
Conclusion
Good dad jokes don’t ask for applause they ask for eye-rolls and a chuckle you pretend you didn’t mean. If even one of these made you grin or groan, the job here is done.
