Bagels aren’t just for breakfast anymore they’re for belly laughs, too! Whether you’re munching on a sesame roll or staring at a toasted one with cream cheese, these round treats have a funny side. From silly puns to playful one-liners, bagel jokes can bring smiles to kids, grown-ups, and everyone in between. And guess what? These jokes aren’t stale they’re warm, weird, and filled with flavor!
Some are soft and silly. Others have a crunchy punchline. But they’re all here to make your day better than plain toast. If your snack could giggle, it would sound like this. So grab your favorite bagel, add a little schmear, and roll into the giggle zone. These bagel jokes are ready to pop up and brighten your day!
Silly Bagel Jokes That’ll Have You Rolling in Dough
Who says bagels are just for breakfast? These silly jokes will have you giggling like cream cheese on a rollercoaster! Perfect for snack time or any time you knead a laugh:
Why did the bagel break up with the croissant?
It didn’t feel the spark… too flaky!
My bagel joined a band.
It’s now on a roll.
I told my bagel a joke.
It cracked up and lost its toppings.
That bagel went to college.
Now it’s an everything scholar.
The bagel got promoted.
It’s now the hole boss.
Bagels don’t make good secret agents.
They always leave a trail of crumbs.
The bagel started a YouTube channel.
It’s making dough from ads.
Why was the bagel acting shy?
It was feeling a bit toasted.
My bagel texted me.
Said it was feeling crumby today.
The bagel joined a dance team.
It nailed every twist and turn.
Don’t fight a bagel.
They’ve got serious crust.
I dated a bagel once.
Total snack, zero substance.
That bagel thinks it’s fancy.
Must be stuffed with pride.
Bagels in space?
Only if they’re out of this swirl.
My dog ate my homework.
Then asked for a bagel chaser.
Bagels make terrible actors.
They’re always flat on stage.
That bagel won a medal.
Said it was a golden round.
Bagels and ghosts don’t mix.
The ghost said, “You’re too dense.”
I asked the bagel for advice.
It said, “Just roll with it.”
Bagels in a band?
Only if they’re the yeast side boys.
Don’t trust bagels with secrets.
They spill the schmear every time.
Bagel got a tattoo.
It said, “Live, Laugh, Lox.”
Bagel tried stand-up comedy.
Totally bombed the open mic.
The bagel had a crush.
On a cinnamon twist.
Bagels don’t run marathons.
They get winded after one schmear.
Told my bagel it was smart.
It replied, “I graduated with sesame honors.”
My toaster loves bagels.
They have a hot thing going on.
Why don’t bagels play hide and seek?
Because they always get toasted.
The bagel went viral.
It was a real internet carb-star.
Best Bagel Joke Ever Seriously, It’s Everything!
Ready for the bagel joke of the year? Actually, scratch that how about a whole basket of them! These laughs are fresh, warm, and sprinkled with fun for every kind of humor lover:
I asked the bagel to marry me.
It said, “I dough!”
Bagel started a podcast.
First episode: “Rolling with the Crumbs.”
I gave my bagel a pep talk.
Now it’s feeling toasty.
Bagel applied for a job.
Nailed the everything interview.
That bagel’s an influencer.
All about spreading the schmear.
Why did the bagel get detention?
It talked back to the toaster.
I caught my bagel lying.
Now it’s toast.
Bagel joined a circus.
Specialty: Jumping through cream cheese hoops.
This bagel knows karate.
Black sesame belt.
Bagel took a selfie.
Caption: “Crumb and get it.”
Bagel started a bakery.
Business is on a roll.
Bagel and muffin broke up.
Too many trust crust issues.
The bagel wrote a song.
Called “Hole Again.”
Bagel went to therapy.
Said it felt hollow inside.
That bagel’s a comedian.
Its jokes are everything.
Bagel won the spelling bee.
Word was loxodrome.
Bagel joined a gym.
Trying to shed the spread.
Bagel and donut got in a fight.
Too many holes in the argument.
Bagel made a movie.
Box office schmash hit.
Bagel is on TikTok.
Doing the schmear dance challenge.
Bagel met toast at a party.
It was a heated conversation.
Bagel made a wish.
Said, “I hope I’m baked into greatness.”
Bagel is always late.
Because it’s still rising.
Bagel entered a fashion show.
Wore a crusty coat and sesame shoes.
Bagel started singing.
Hit single: “Rolling Deep in Yeast.”
Bagel told a pun.
I said, “Crumb on, that’s funny!”
The bagel meditated.
Reached inner crust.
Bagel got ghosted.
Now it’s crumbled emotionally.
Bagel hosts game night.
But never plays fair with the scones.
Bagel dreams big.
Says, “I was born to rise.”
Funny Bagel Jokes for Breakfast Giggles
Breakfast should be full of laughs, and these bagel jokes are better than a double schmear on a sleepy Monday. Pass the giggles along with your coffee:
Why don’t bagels lie?
Because the truth always rises.
Bagel joined the army.
It’s now a dough-mmander.
My bagel tried to ghost me.
But I crumbed right back.
Bagel never studies.
Still gets everything right.
I put my bagel in my pocket.
Now I’ve got a snack attack waiting.
Bagel’s favorite sport?
Crumb-petitive eating.
Bagel made a mixtape.
It’s a schmear banger.
That bagel tells dad jokes.
Total crust over energy.
Bagel met a pancake.
They were flat-out confused.
Bagel started a fan club.
For cinnamon raisin appreciation.
Bagel skipped school.
Caught loafing around.
Bagel met a toaster strudel.
It got a bit frosty.
Bagel joined a debate team.
It always brings the heat.
Bagel’s on a dating app.
Looking for a hot match with extra spread.
Bagel told me it’s an introvert.
Only opens up when warm.
Bagel dreams of Paris.
Wants to study abroad with baguettes.
Bagel has a bucket list.
#1: Make someone laugh before noon.
Bagel told a secret.
It slipped right through the hole.
Bagel saw a ghost.
Yelled, “Holy schmear!”
Bagel made a new friend.
They bonded over crumbs and puns.
Bagel hates math.
Can’t deal with fractions.
Bagel’s on strike.
Wants better toasting rights.
Bagel learned to skate.
Now it’s on a roll for real.
Bagel threw a party.
Invited the cream of the crop.
Bagel lost its keys.
Found them in the jam drawer.
Bagel’s favorite superhero?
Captain Crust.
Bagel says hi.
And also “Pass the butter.”
Bagel Jokes So Good, They’ll Leave a Hole in Your Stomach (From Laughing!)
These jokes might just be the hole reason your stomach hurts from laughing, not hunger! Get ready for some belly laughs and bagel silliness:
Why did the bagel go to therapy?
It had too much inner doughbt.
Bagel got caught cheating.
Used a cheat schmear.
Bagel’s karaoke song?
“Rolling in the Yeast.”
Bagel’s new pet?
A cream cheese ferret.
Bagel loves pizza.
But only if it’s round and proud.
Bagel plays hide and seek.
Never wins. Always leaves crumbs.
Bagel got a parking ticket.
Said it was just loafing around.
Bagel and jelly broke up.
Too many sticky situations.
Bagel joined a book club.
Favorite? “Lord of the Onion Rings.”
Bagel’s dream job?
Stand-up crumbedian.
Bagel’s horoscope said:
“You will rise… unless overbaked.”
Bagel caught a cold.
Now it’s toasty with tissues.
Bagel’s online profile says:
“Round, warm, and ready to schmear love.”
Bagel went camping.
Got toasted by the fire.
Bagel asked for a raise.
Boss said, “You’re already rising.”
Bagel in therapy again.
Now dealing with spread anxiety.
Bagel got in a fight with toast.
Things got pretty crusty.
Bagel’s a poet.
Writes haikus with holes in them.
Bagel can’t sing.
Too much crumb in the throat.
Bagel’s favorite holiday?
Schmearsgiving.
Bagel’s nickname?
The Round Rebel.
Bagel lost the remote.
Now watching crusty old reruns.
Bagel opened a spa.
It’s called “Rolling Retreats.”
Bagel made a meme.
It went viral with the yeast crowd.
Bagel saw a mouse.
Jumped out of the toaster.
Short Bagel Jokes That Are Schmear Fun
Fast, fun, and lightly toasted these short bagel jokes are perfect when you need a quick laugh without the fuss. They’re bite-sized, silly, and totally schmear-worthy:
Bagel got a phone.
Now it only texts in crust caps.
I tried to share my bagel.
It said, “I’m not that kind of roll.”
Bagel joined a choir.
Hit every note with a crusty harmony.
Bagel went on vacation.
Came back with a sun-toasted tan.
Bagel’s favorite school subject?
Lunch.
Bagel got grounded.
Kept loafing around.
Bagel ran for class president.
Promised free schmear Fridays.
Bagel met a muffin.
Things got mildly awkward but sweet.
Bagel went on a rollercoaster.
Totally crumbled under pressure.
Bagel’s new hobby?
Extreme toasting.
My bagel’s in a mood.
Extra salty today.
Bagel spilled its coffee.
Now it’s got a soggy center.
Bagel joined the circus.
Known for its flour flips.
Bagel started gardening.
Grew everything seeds.
Bagel broke the rules.
Said, “I kneaded that.”
Bagel tried skydiving.
Yelled, “I’m on a roll!”
Bagel’s favorite dance?
The cinnamon twist.
Bagel gave a speech.
Told everyone to stay toasty.
Bagel is in a band.
Plays the jam-bourine.
Bagel started painting.
Now it’s a crusty artist.
Bagel went to the beach.
Brought a towel and a toaster.
Bagel tried acting.
Got a role in “Dough & Order.”
Bagel skipped class.
Claimed it was yeast infection day.
Bagel’s got a new car.
Runs on jam and jokes.
Bagel told a riddle.
Nobody solved it it was half-baked.
Bagel joined a cooking show.
Lost because it over-schmeared.
Bagel’s bedtime story?
The Little Dough That Could.
Bagel saw a squirrel.
It ran… into the toaster.
Bagel loves gossip.
Can’t keep its toppings shut.
LOL-Worthy Bagel Joke One-Liners
Quick, quirky, and sprinkled with silliness these one-liner bagel jokes are perfect for text messages, lunchbox notes, or snack table laughs. They’re short, sweet, and totally toasted:
- I like my puns like I like my bagels: warm, round, and fully loaded.
- This bagel’s so fresh, it still thinks it’s dough.
- Bagel told me a secret: it’s scared of the toaster.
- I gave my bagel a compliment, and it turned toasty red.
- The bagel skipped school: said it was feeling crumby.
- My toaster’s jealous: it saw me with a croissant.
- Bagel’s favorite class? Crust-oration history.
- Tried to toast a donut, but it wasn’t bagel enough.
- Bagel wanted to be a rapper: now it’s Lil Schmear.
- The bagel’s job interview went great: it nailed the warm-up.
- Bagel’s love letter said: “You complete my circle.”
- The bagel went on strike: no schmear, no peace.
- Bagel joined the army: it’s now a roll model.
- That bagel’s too cool: it’s got frost on its crust.
- Bagel got dumped: said it felt empty inside.
- Every bagel has its day: mine is Sunday with lox.
- Bagel just texted me: “I’m toast without you.”
- That bagel’s going viral: people love round things.
- Bagel on a skateboard? Crust me, it’s epic.
- Bagel said it’s rising: I said, “Good for you, dough.”
- That bagel’s a drama queen: always gets steamed.
- Bagel started a blog: “Life on the Schmear Side.”
- Toaster told the bagel a joke: now it’s on fire.
- The bagel was late: said it got stuck in jam.
- Bagel joined a book club: reading “Fifty Shades of Schmear.”
- I asked for space, so the bagel gave me a hole.
- Bagel’s favorite movie? “Loaf Actually.”
- Bagel’s gym routine? Squats and schmears.
- Bagel got roasted, and loved every second.
- Bagel said it’s toast, and I felt that.
Cheesy and Funny Bagel Jokes for Kids and Grown-Ups
Whether you’re a grown-up with a cream cheese addiction or a kid who just loves round snacks, these bagel jokes are baked to make everyone giggle. They’re soft in the middle and golden with fun:
I told my bagel a bedtime story.
It fell asleep halfway through the schmear part.
Bagel tried to do yoga.
It couldn’t handle the hole stretch.
Bagel went on a blind date.
They bonded over their doughy personalities.
The bagel saw its reflection.
Said, “Dang, I’m one hot roll!”
Bagel got hired as a teacher.
Only teaches crust studies.
Bagel tripped on the stairs.
Rolled into a cinnamon twist.
Bagel went to the doctor.
Diagnosis: Too toasted.
Bagel has a crush on toast.
Says, “They’ve got that golden glow.”
The bagel’s dream job?
Chief of Spread Operations.
I met a bagel with glasses.
Said, “I see you, smarty carbs.”
Bagel joined a band.
They’re called The Rolling Scones.
Bagel is an actor now.
Starred in Fast and the Fluffy.
The bagel’s favorite drink?
Hot cocoa with a schmear swirl.
Bagel got grounded.
It was caught jam-handed.
Bagel joined the chess club.
Always opens with a cheddar gambit.
Bagel got stuck in traffic.
Yelled, “I knead to move!”
Bagel started journaling.
Day 1: “Feeling crusty but hopeful.”
Bagel threw a surprise party.
No one came. It was half-baked.
The bagel made a wish.
Said, “Please toast me evenly.”
Bagel joined a book club.
Loves mystery… especially The Cream Cheese Caper.
My bagel wears sunglasses.
Says, “I’m too hot to handle.”
Bagel got ghosted.
Now it only talks to waffles.
That bagel’s a foodie.
Topped with attitude and avocado.
Bagel went to a wedding.
Caught the bread bouquet.
The bagel became a parent.
Now it has mini rolls.
Bagel entered a dance contest.
Nailed the cinnamon swirl.
Bagel met a waffle.
Now they’re in a toasted relationship.
Bagel can’t keep secrets.
Always lets the jelly slip.
WTF? Where’s the Funny Right Here in These Bagel Jokes!
You asked, “Where’s the funny?” and the bagels answered with jokes that are silly, bold, and filled with all the right carbs for your funny bone. These are as random as they are ridiculous:
Bagel joined a dating app.
Got matched with a soft pretzel.
Bagel got caught lip-syncing.
Now it’s famous on CrumbTok.
Bagel lost a fight to a croissant.
Got buttered up and folded.
Bagel’s favorite app?
GrubHub, obviously.
Bagel wrote a country song.
Titled “Don’t Toast My Heart Again.”
That bagel’s a diva.
Only shops for artisanal crumbs.
Bagel had a nightmare.
Got dropped on the floor.
Bagel and toaster broke up.
Said things were getting too heated.
Bagel started painting.
Calls it crust-expressionism.
Bagel got a haircut.
Now it’s flatbread chic.
Bagel became a wizard.
Uses spells and schmearcraft.
Bagel’s favorite animal?
The lox-o-dile.
Bagel flunked math.
Couldn’t figure out pi(e).
Bagel formed a rock band.
Genre? Jam metal.
Bagel got a tattoo.
It says “Crumb Life.”
Bagel’s doing karaoke.
Singing “Rolling in the Schmear.”
Bagel went to space.
Said Earth looks like a giant donut.
Bagel applied to Hogwarts.
Got sorted into Schmearin.
Bagel joined a startup.
Slogan: “Rise and Grind.”
Bagel started dating jelly.
Their love is sticky but sweet.
Bagel has a morning routine.
Stretch, roll, toast, repeat.
Bagel launched a perfume.
Called Eau de Crust.
Bagel’s autobiography?
From Dough to Whoa.
Bagel in a group chat?
Always sending crust memes.
Bagel became a life coach.
Says, “Find your inner yeast.”
Bagel met its twin.
Said, “Hole-y moly!”
Bagel’s favorite emoji?
The one that looks like itself.
Conclusion
So whether you’re into dad jokes, donut humor, or just like a good giggle with your coffee, these bagel laughs were made to toast your mood. Hole-some fun, right?
